I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
