i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
