Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think your dad took our porno
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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