so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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