this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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