Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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