I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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