So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
