i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize