This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
