You really coming over, don't trick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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