I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
