My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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