around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize