Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
