remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
