Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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