Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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