Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
