"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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