my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
