Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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