wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just tell him i said nine months
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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