Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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