Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
