i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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