Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
