After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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