So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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