Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
