i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i think i have two assholes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize