How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
