She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize