She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize