i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
