I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
