my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
