I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
