Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
