I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
