I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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