"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
