No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
