i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize