You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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