Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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