You just made me feel so damn special
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
