it was like eating out sand paper
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
