We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
