you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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