So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
