oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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