community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
