You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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