I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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