she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
