but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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