I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
