I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
