people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
