I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
