My girlfriend figured out who you are.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
