I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
