Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize