Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
