My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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