FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
is that a dick in a sweater?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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