just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
