I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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