she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
