youre lurking in front of me
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
