Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
