I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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