in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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