actually, I'm a sock model
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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