I'm lost and stupid without you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
