i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize