Have you finally orgasmed yet?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
