direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
