i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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