living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
