Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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