if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
