Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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