Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
