I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
