pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
