I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
