6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
