actually, I'm a sock model
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
