She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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