porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
