So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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