im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
...so i touched it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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