You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my being single is dangerous.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
