yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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