Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
jump out the window naked night went bad
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