I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
