I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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