Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
